Understand Your Anger—A Self-Reflection Technique (Part 2)
Use this self-reflection technique to accurately perceive, identify, process, and control one of the strongest human emotions—anger. The technique will help you understand what your anger is, what causes it, and find ways to manage or overcome it.
Note: This article is the second of a two-part series.
After you have completed the first five steps of the Anger Self-Reflection Technique, you are ready to dive deeper into the process, by exploring what is really behind your anger, analyzing your thoughts-behavior flow, looking at the consequences of unmanaged anger, and then moving toward appropriate strategies and coping mechanisms.
Step 6: EXPLORE WHAT’S REALLY BEHIND YOUR ANGER
1. When did Anger Become a Problem for you?
When your anger affects your physical health.
When your anger affects your mental health.
When your anger affected your career.
When your anger affects your relationships.
When your anger made others suffer.
When you want to take revenge for your suffering.
2. Are you the victim or host of anger?
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3. Describe a situation in which you recently experienced anger. Pick up a situation that affected you the most in recent times, and describe the entire scenario that made you angry.
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4. What did you achieve by being angry during the situation described above?
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5. What did you lose because of anger?
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Step 7: ANGER MIRROR
How do you look when you are in anger?
1. Draw animation on yourself or others when you are angry. Or ask your child or friend to draw your image when you are in anger.
2. How do you feel looking at yourself in anger?
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Step 8: THE THOUGHTS – BEHAVIOR FLOW
Identify your patterns for each situation or event.
1. Fill in your response in the flight-or-fight mode when you are angry.
Example of an event:
Example of a person:
2. Did you try to resolve the conflict, or did it trigger you ( are you in resolving mode or reacting mode)?
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3. How do you reciprocate the above situation?
Write down your actions or behaviors that triggered you during the event and reciprocate it step by step by using the following diagram (minimum 3 to 5 circles)
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4. How do you reciprocate the above situation?
Write down your actions or behaviors that triggered you during the event and reciprocate it step by step by using the following diagram (minimum 3 to 5 circles):
Notes:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
5. Write down the consequences that you observed in the environment from the above reciprocation.
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Step 9: ADDRESSING AND RESOLVING THE CONFLICT
What actions can you take to reduce the tension of this situation in a positive way?
1. Write down the phrases you want to use to resolve the conflict
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2. What actions do you think others should take to reduce the tension of this situation in a positive way?
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3. What are your fears about resolving conflict or taking one more positive step?
Examples:
I’m afraid things will not be in my control if I am not angry
They will blame me if I do not show my anger
They will take advantage of me
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4. What do you think the final outcome would be if you follow these steps?
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5. List some anger control strategies that you might know of or that you may have used in the past.
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6. What would be the benefits (in each of the categories listed below), if you overcome anger and cool down in the situation?
7. List the insights you have gained by applying this technique.
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